Simplicity

I'm insanely over analytical.

Ask any of my friends.

They'll say the same thing.

I look too deeply into things that can be answered rather easily.

I do that a lot with guard.

I try to figure out every minute detail of some toss/phrase/move.

But, when it comes down to doing it all together, half the details I've thought about didn't even matter.
It just comes rather naturally.
Even with my faith, I try to analyze every little thing.
I don't trust God enough to believe that He has amazing plans for my life.
I try to do my own thing, thinking that it's what God wants for my life.
9 times out of 10, it's not.
It tends to be the complete opposite of what He wants.

That's usually where my doubt creeps in.
I let the devil fill my mind with these lies that God could never love someone who screws up as much as me, and that He doesn't have the plans for me that He says He does.
I read through Hebrews last month, and I would recommend it to anyone who's struggling with doubt (which is the same circumstance under which it was recommended to me).
Chapter 11 is one of the most amazing things about the book.
It talks about all these amazing people from the Bible who did these amazing things through their faith.
At the end of the chapter, however, the writer pretty much drops a bomb, saying that they didn't receive what had been promised.
In the final verse, he says that "God had planned something BETTER for us that only together with us would be made perfect."
We have to trust that, if we surrender our lives to God, He'll do amazing things in and through us.
It's not easy.
Frankly, I haven't been able to do that yet.
But, I've seen Him do amazing things in the lives of those around me who let Him have control of their lives.
That leads me to think that He'll do the same thing with me.
In fact, I know He will.
It's hard to trust what we can't see.
It doesn't make much sense at all.
A lot of things about God don't make sense, which is usually what leads me to doubt.
But, I'm working to trust Him with my whole heart and live.
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (because, as shown by the time span between posts, I probably won't post between now and then. But, who knows? I might be wrong)!!!!

-Kati

You Are More

This week has actually been kinda difficult, to be completely honest.

I've been faced with temptation more than I have in an extremely long time

It sucked.

But, there were three words that got me through some rough temptation.

YOU ARE MORE.

There's a new song by Tenth Avenue North by the same title, and the chorus has been ringing in my mind throughout this season.

It goes:

You are more than the choices that you make.

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes.

You are more than the problems you create.

You've been remade.

That's so true, and it's something I forget.

A lot. 

I mean, when the world is screaming at you to look and act a certain way or be scorned by society, it's very easy to feel like you're trash and no one could ever love or care about you.

But, because you were made and are loved by the one perfect God of the universe, you're worth SO much more that anything in this world.

He loved us enough to send His Son to die a horrible death so we could spend eternity with Him.

I tend to forget that in the face of temptation.

The devil constantly screams lies at us, and it's easy to believe them because they often agree with what the world is telling us.

We watched a video in youth today about how when we feel the most broken and hurt, that's the times when we're closed to God.

That's something I've never truly thought of before.

Props to Rob Bell for that.

I'm trying to live my life in the belief that I am more than all the stupid junk I've done in my life.

It won't always be easy, but with Him, I can do anything.

-Kati

Why I Love the Holiday Season

I used to be one of those people who despised the holiday season.

It's become one of my favorite seasons throughout the last 2 or 3 years.

Somehow, it just makes all the problems in life seem not so big.

I focus on all the things that God has blessed me with, and I forget about all the junk in my life for awhile.

And, you have to admit.

Christmas music is just wonderful!!!

I'm listening to it right now.

No, it's NEVER too early to get into the Christmas spirit.

It also gives me an opportunity to spend time with family that I don't always get to see.

It's nice to catch up on life with them.

Going back to the blessings, that's the number one reason why I love this time of year.

I get so caught up with the crap going on in my life that I don't see all the fantastic things He's given me.

This month, I've been posting one status daily about something I'm thankful for.

I thought it was going to be really hard when I first started it.

But, it truly wasn't.

Everyday, I would finally open my eyes to the innumerable blessings I've been given.

His blessings are seriously as many as the stars in the heaven, as the grains of sand on the beach.

I have been given so much.

I just have a tendency to focus on the bad stuff in my life.

I feel like no one cares about me or the junk I'm going through.

I have a loving family, an amazing second family in the LHHS Power Band, and wonderful friends who support me through the roughest of seasons.

My hope for anyone reading this is that you see what has been shown to me.

That life is SOOOO much more than the trials we face on a daily basis.

I know it's so easy to get consumed by them.

I've gone down that road, and all it's given me is a lot of pain and heartache.

Even if things seem like they'll never get better, take one minute to think of the blessing in my life.

It's shown me that I take a lot of things for granted.

I have so much in life to be thankful for.

So, Happy Holidays, and may God bless you through this season!!! (=

-Kati

Still Here...

This is the first post I've done from home in an extremely long time.

I kinda like it, but it's certainly not the same as posting from my quaint little sound/projection booth at NPC.

So, a lot of firsts have occured or are about to occur in my life.

First Halloween party in NPC youth, first timed writing in AP Lang (which I got a 6. not too shabby), first BOA regional in Atlanta, first AR band to place top 3 in their class in forementioned regional, and soon to come first HS swim meet of junior year.

It's been really exciting.

God's also been doing a lot in my life lately.

I just got home from swim, and I had a huge breakthrough.

I was insanely exhausted from the regional, and I had to make up practices.

I was also stressing about my chemistry test tomorrow, so my mind was totally scattered.

Yet, during one of the sprints we were doing, I just felt suddenly at ease.

Like, God was telling me that everything was going to be okay.

I've been trying to regain control of my life, and I felt that things were starting to fall apart again.

But, none of that mattered then.

I realized that I'd been letting the stupidest crap bother me to a point where I didn't care about life.

And, in the car on the way home, I heard the song "Still Here" by Superchick.

It's relatively new, and I highly recommend it to anyone.

It talks about how when life feels like it's constantly breaking you down, you find joy in the fact that you're still alive.

That's something I tend to take for granted.

I take life as a guarantee.

Which it isn't.

Everyday is beautiful, even when it doesn't seem that way.

Its beauty is found in the fact that you were totally blessed to receive that day.

I've seen loss affect so many people I genuinely care about lately, and it's made me rethink my idea of life.

I let days and opportunities pass me by because I'm fixated on my own problems.

During that moment I mentioned earlier, none of that seemed to matter.

Tomorrow holds no promises.

Tomorrow isn't even promised.

I'm trying to find the joy to appreciate the fact that I'm still here.

Through even the most impossible of temptations or situations, I can breathe.

I have a chance to change.

-Kati

Life As I Knew It

Wow...I SUCK at updating.

I seriously thought it had only been a few weeks since I updated, but instead I saw that it's been nearly a month.

For that, I apologize.

But, the last few weeks have been chaotic, stressful, exhausting, but completely life-changing.

I've had a lot of rough patches, but all of them have made me so much stronger, in my faith and in my life in general.

I've embraced my inner "hot chick" (thanks to my crazy-yet-amazing English teacher), which felt RIDICULOUS at first, but after I did it, I realized how much it really helped.

I'm insanely insecure.

A lot.

And I never see the things in me that everyone else tells me they see.

That whole experience helped me not to constantly critique myself like I usually do.

It showed me that I am able to let go of control, which to me seemed like such a foreign concept.

It'll take some time for me to implement that in all aspects of my life, but I feel like I'm definitely on the right track.

Fields of Faith was this last Wednesday night.

This was my 3rd year to go, and the last two have radically changed my life.

I expected no different from this one.

I was definitely NOT disappointed.

God worked in me so much, and it was an experience that I really needed to have.

He showed me that He's the only one who can give me the fulfillment that I've been trying to find in other things.

I know that the next chapter of my life will be rough, but I have God to help me stand against the temptation that the devil throws at me on a daily basis.

I've seen the temptation since Wednesday. 

But one thought has stuck with me.

I'm not who I was before that night.

Yeah, my surrendering may have been symbolic, and it would be quite easy for me to go get what I gave up.

But, God will help me to not go back.

Life as I knew it will never be the same.

-Kati

Reminiscing on Memories

I've doing a lot of reflecting on how much God has worked in me throughout these last 4 or 5 years.

It's pretty INSANE to think about how much I've changed in that time.

Some days when I look back on my old journals that I've kept in some of the hardest times I've faced, I can hardly recognize the girl who would always give up when things got hard.

The girl who had no idea how to believe in herself.

The girl who didn't want to ask for help even though she needed it more than anything in her life.

Sure, I still struggle with every single one of those things.

But, everything in my life is different.

I know that God can give me every ounce of strength I could ever need.

I know that God made me in His perfect image.

I know that I can't go through life and this struggle alone.

It's one of the most beautiful things in my life.

It's one of the coolest things that I've seen God do in my life.

Yet, I still struggle.

I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. 

God, however, is,

Through every weakness I have, He has the opportunity to work through me.

He shows His power through my brokenness, my weakness, my desperation.

For me, those are the times when I try to do things on my own.

I try to control every aspect of my life, and I go my own way to try to make things better.

Usually, those things do the exact opposite.

I'm a MAJOR control freak.

To be frank, it sucks.

A lot.

It sucks to know that God can do all these awesome things in my life.

It sucks that I tend to refuse Him the opportunity to radically change my life.

I'm learning how to let go of control and let God fulfill His plans for my life.

It's certainly not easy.

Honestly, it's the HARDEST things I've done in my life.

I often think I know better than God.

But, I don't.

I'm working on it, and I think I'm getting better.

But, take an opportunity to look back at what God has done in you.

It will radically change the way you look at life.

At least, it did that for me.

-Kati

Reality Check

So...since my last update, I've gone to a TFK/Kutless concert (phenomenal!!!!), started D-groups, began my junior year of high school, and performed in the first football game of the year.

For the most part, all of it's been pretty good, except being sick a lot.

But, God has shown me so much about life lately.

We've been talking in youth about what it means to be authentic, not just with our faith but with life in general as well.

I was journaling about this Thursday during English, and I saw that it's a really hard concept for me to grasp.

I really don't want people to see how broken and messed up I am.

But, I think God wants me to lay out all my cards on the table.

The brokenness, the messy parts, the good things.

Everything, put it all out there and see what He'll do with it.

Because He knows what He's doing.

A lot better than what I know.

I say this in like every post, but His plans are ASTOUNDING!!!!!

They're so much better than anything I could even fathom.

It's hard for me to let go of control and let Him do what He wants.

But, I'm really trying to just let Him have His way in my life.

He's brought me this far, and He's set me free from all the chains that have held me down.
Now, I haven't totally set myself free yet, but I'm praying that He'll help me see that I don't have to be perfect to deserve His love.

It's hard for me to accept sometimes.

I'm just learning how to let go of my past.

Also, He's given me some of the most WONDERFUL people to support me in every aspect of my life.

I seriously don't know where I'd be without them, and I know that I want to be that kind of person to others in my life who may be struggling.

I've learned so much for every single one of them, and I'm so blessed to have them in my life.

Don't lose faith; God has a plan for every good and bad thing in life.

-Kati

Pregnancy, Supernovas, and Etch-A-Sketches

First, a clarification involving the title of this blog probably needs to be made.

NO, I am NOT pregnant.

You will understand that part as we go on.

This morning, I went to Piney Grove UMC for church because it was the Brooke's last day there, and I would feel horrible if I didn't get to say goodbye.

While I was there, I got to hear one of the best sermons I think I've ever heard.

I never needed to hear something that much, so thank you Jacob! (=

The title was You Complete Me, and he talked about how we can't be made whole without having God and His Spirit living within us.

He talked about how the Holy Spirit taking root and growing in us is like pregnancy.

I'm not even going to try to explain what he meant by that.

It made sense to me, but I have a strong feeling like I would totally misconstrue the point he was making.

Same with the supernova.

But, the etch-a-sketch analogy was the one I totally understood, and I think I can explain that one.

God doesn't hold our mistakes against us.

He lets us shake the mistake away and have a fresh start, like how you can shake an etch-a-sketch and start over again.

I have a bad habit of holding onto every little thing I do wrong.

I never forgive myself.

And, I'm learning and growing and trying to move past that.

Because, all that's done for me is make things MUCH harder for me.

And, it's not worth it.

I'm letting God rain down His mercy and forgiveness, and I'm learning to forgive myself.

-Kati

Beautiful Disaster

Uhm...I suck at updating, guys.

I apologize a lot for that up front.

I just got home from my cruise and went straight into drill week with band.

But, it was PHENOMENAL!!!!!!

It taught me A LOT about life, God, and myself.

As I looked out over the ocean (which I did quite often), I saw the vastness of God.

It made it that much harder to understand how the Creator of all the wonderful things I saw and experienced could desire a close relationship with me.

I tend to fight against that love, because I never feel worthy of it.

Which is true; no matter how hard I try I'll never be worthy of His amazing love.

To Him, though, that doesn't matter.

He looks past my flaws and works in my life in so many awesome ways.

I felt like, even though I didn't really try, I drew closer in Him and gained a deeper understanding of Him.

We were talking in youth Wednesday about how, while we may be living for Christ 100%, bad stuff still happens in our lives.

We often turn against Him at the first sign of struggle or trial.

I've been very guilty of that many times.

I'm learning that I'll never understand why bad things happen to us as Christians.

That's where faith comes in.

We have to trust that God will be there to pick us up when we can't stand on our own.

Trusting God is my biggest difficulty.

I can never seem to let God control my life.

However, I know He has AMAZING plans for my life.

They are so much better than anything I could ever come up with on my own.

He ALONE knows what's best for our lives.

-Kati

Imperfection

One thing you might notice about my blog titles is that they tend to be the titles of songs I enjoy at the moment of posting. Today, the song is Imperfection by Skillet.

I've fallen in love with some of their older stuff, especially the Collide album.

The thing about this song that makes me love it is that I tend to be guilty of not seeing myself as the beautiful creation that God intended for me to be.

I drown out my good qualities in my imperfections.

But, imperfections are what gives us a story to tell.
My imperfections are what usually inspires me to blog.
If I were perfect, this blog would probably not exist, or at the least not be interesting.
My imperfections are what makes you and I beautiful.
It's the amazing thing about being human.
The amazing thing about being a Christian, because God overlooks our uncountable flaws and loves us just as we are.
That's such a beautiful thing.
So, I may not be a stick thin Barbie doll.
I really don't want to be.
I am really insecure a lot of the times.
It tends to hurt me in the end.
I'm learning to accept me for me.
For who I'm supposed to be.
We're all beautiful.
I'm done begging God to change me in order to fit into the stereotypes of this world.

With All the Love,
Kati

The Blog Begins...again.

Hey!

I'm Kati, and this is my blog.

I decided to start over with a new blog and maybe I can do better updating this one.

This blog is going to be a story of my life.

It'll be real and honest.

I'm a little scared to try this again.

But, no one said doing what God's called you to do would ever be easy.

So, here's take two on Kati's blog.

With All the Love,

Kati