Reminiscing on Memories

I've doing a lot of reflecting on how much God has worked in me throughout these last 4 or 5 years.

It's pretty INSANE to think about how much I've changed in that time.

Some days when I look back on my old journals that I've kept in some of the hardest times I've faced, I can hardly recognize the girl who would always give up when things got hard.

The girl who had no idea how to believe in herself.

The girl who didn't want to ask for help even though she needed it more than anything in her life.

Sure, I still struggle with every single one of those things.

But, everything in my life is different.

I know that God can give me every ounce of strength I could ever need.

I know that God made me in His perfect image.

I know that I can't go through life and this struggle alone.

It's one of the most beautiful things in my life.

It's one of the coolest things that I've seen God do in my life.

Yet, I still struggle.

I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. 

God, however, is,

Through every weakness I have, He has the opportunity to work through me.

He shows His power through my brokenness, my weakness, my desperation.

For me, those are the times when I try to do things on my own.

I try to control every aspect of my life, and I go my own way to try to make things better.

Usually, those things do the exact opposite.

I'm a MAJOR control freak.

To be frank, it sucks.

A lot.

It sucks to know that God can do all these awesome things in my life.

It sucks that I tend to refuse Him the opportunity to radically change my life.

I'm learning how to let go of control and let God fulfill His plans for my life.

It's certainly not easy.

Honestly, it's the HARDEST things I've done in my life.

I often think I know better than God.

But, I don't.

I'm working on it, and I think I'm getting better.

But, take an opportunity to look back at what God has done in you.

It will radically change the way you look at life.

At least, it did that for me.

-Kati

Reality Check

So...since my last update, I've gone to a TFK/Kutless concert (phenomenal!!!!), started D-groups, began my junior year of high school, and performed in the first football game of the year.

For the most part, all of it's been pretty good, except being sick a lot.

But, God has shown me so much about life lately.

We've been talking in youth about what it means to be authentic, not just with our faith but with life in general as well.

I was journaling about this Thursday during English, and I saw that it's a really hard concept for me to grasp.

I really don't want people to see how broken and messed up I am.

But, I think God wants me to lay out all my cards on the table.

The brokenness, the messy parts, the good things.

Everything, put it all out there and see what He'll do with it.

Because He knows what He's doing.

A lot better than what I know.

I say this in like every post, but His plans are ASTOUNDING!!!!!

They're so much better than anything I could even fathom.

It's hard for me to let go of control and let Him do what He wants.

But, I'm really trying to just let Him have His way in my life.

He's brought me this far, and He's set me free from all the chains that have held me down.
Now, I haven't totally set myself free yet, but I'm praying that He'll help me see that I don't have to be perfect to deserve His love.

It's hard for me to accept sometimes.

I'm just learning how to let go of my past.

Also, He's given me some of the most WONDERFUL people to support me in every aspect of my life.

I seriously don't know where I'd be without them, and I know that I want to be that kind of person to others in my life who may be struggling.

I've learned so much for every single one of them, and I'm so blessed to have them in my life.

Don't lose faith; God has a plan for every good and bad thing in life.

-Kati