Lies

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about this, and I've started over on it about 10 times in the last 15 minutes.

I tend to let my life be run and/or defined by lies.

Lies about my worth, lies about my identity, lies about other people.

A bunch of lies.

I think people won't love me or accept me unless I'm a certain weight or I dress a certain way.

I think people will judge me or not like me if I tell them what I'm struggling with.

I think that God can't love someone as messed up as me.

I try to base my identity on looks, academics, athletics, and any other worldly thing you can think of.

It has pretty much destroyed my life.

I lose sight of what I should be finding my worth in.

My relationship with and faith in God.

If I try to base my worth on anything else, it will fall apart because it changes so often.

God's love NEVER changes.

He accepts me just the way I am, no matter how far I run away.

That's a concept I'm still struggling to grasp.

I mean, He's the perfect God of the universe.

He created everything on earth and in heaven.
Yet He still desires to have a personal relationship with me.

That pretty much blows my mind.

I've been thinking a lot about this since we talked about it in youth on Sunday.

Replacing lies with God's truth isn't always easy to do, especially if you're like me and have been believing these lies for years.

I've learned that if I want to get better, it's not enough to just know the truth about my worth and God's love for me.

I have to believe it with the very core of my being.

I have to believe it in the face of the most difficult temptation I face.

I have to believe it when the devil is trying to overwhelm me with stress and lies.

I have to trust that God will always love me and take me back.

It's a lot to think about.

For me, it's something I've heard innumerable times.

Yet, it's finally just clicked.

As I'm starting to think about who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life, I'm trying to see God's plan for me.

It's a scary thing, but I'm trusting that He will lead me and be with me every step of the way.

-Kati

New Year, New Me

I don't think I've ever been more excited for a new year.

Looking back on 2010, I think it went by way too fast at times.

Other times, I feel like it couldn't go any slower.

But, it made me such a better person.

I wouldn't trade a single second of it for anything.

Sure, there are some parts (well...actually a lot of parts) that I really wish I wouldn't have happened.

But, God has used every experience, good or bad, to make me a better person.

I do feel like a different person than I was last year.

I'm starting this new thing in my life.

It's called being real.

Yeah, I know.

It's not super profound or anything like that.

But, it's something I've struggled with for a long time.

I try to maintain this image that everything is perfect.

But, this year I'm going to try to change that.

I'm going to accept that fact that I will never be perfect.

But, I serve a God who is, and His grace is enough to cover all my sins.

I've fallen in love with this song by Addison Road.

They played it at the concert of theirs that I went to about a year and a half ago (I can't believe it's been so long).

It's called Start Over Again, and it's so encouraging.

It talks about how you can let go of your past and start over again.

That's what I want to do in 2011.

Let go of the junk in my past that I continue to let control me.

As much as it hasn't done anything for me, I let it have free reign in my life.

I'm trying to move on, and I know it won't be easy.

In the face of trials, I may be reminded of some of the junk from my past.

But, I can't let that make me feel like I'm worthless like I usually do.

I'm finding my worth in God, and to Him, I have beauty beyond compare.

Wow...that was a total BG song quote.

But, that's really what I'm excited about for 2011.

I expect God to do huge things in my life.

I have a lot of other goals for 2011, but that's what everything boils down to.

God's going to do awesome things in my life.

I just have to trust Him and trust in His plans for my life.

Here's to a wonderful new year!!!!

-Kati