Lies

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about this, and I've started over on it about 10 times in the last 15 minutes.

I tend to let my life be run and/or defined by lies.

Lies about my worth, lies about my identity, lies about other people.

A bunch of lies.

I think people won't love me or accept me unless I'm a certain weight or I dress a certain way.

I think people will judge me or not like me if I tell them what I'm struggling with.

I think that God can't love someone as messed up as me.

I try to base my identity on looks, academics, athletics, and any other worldly thing you can think of.

It has pretty much destroyed my life.

I lose sight of what I should be finding my worth in.

My relationship with and faith in God.

If I try to base my worth on anything else, it will fall apart because it changes so often.

God's love NEVER changes.

He accepts me just the way I am, no matter how far I run away.

That's a concept I'm still struggling to grasp.

I mean, He's the perfect God of the universe.

He created everything on earth and in heaven.
Yet He still desires to have a personal relationship with me.

That pretty much blows my mind.

I've been thinking a lot about this since we talked about it in youth on Sunday.

Replacing lies with God's truth isn't always easy to do, especially if you're like me and have been believing these lies for years.

I've learned that if I want to get better, it's not enough to just know the truth about my worth and God's love for me.

I have to believe it with the very core of my being.

I have to believe it in the face of the most difficult temptation I face.

I have to believe it when the devil is trying to overwhelm me with stress and lies.

I have to trust that God will always love me and take me back.

It's a lot to think about.

For me, it's something I've heard innumerable times.

Yet, it's finally just clicked.

As I'm starting to think about who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life, I'm trying to see God's plan for me.

It's a scary thing, but I'm trusting that He will lead me and be with me every step of the way.

-Kati