Cereal Boxes, Mascara Mustaches, and WAY Too Much Justin Bieber

WARNING: This blog entry is EXTREMELY long, longer than I expected. But, you should still check it out.

  This weekend, I had one of the most crazy, most exciting, and most life-changing experiences I've ever had.

Thursday night (which techinically doesn't count as the weekend), I went to an Aaron Gillespie concert at a local church for a phenomenal night of worship.

 For those of you who haven't heard of him, he's the former drummer/vocalist of UnderOath, and he is/was (not sure) a part of The Almost.

He's currently doing some solo work, and God has certainly blessed him immensely.

It was a fairly small crowd, and it was one of the most authentic worship times I've been a part of.

I felt like God did a lot of work and did a lot of healing in that place.

And I met some pretty cool people there, and one of my good friends had a life-long dream realized by meeting and getting her picture made with Aaron.

The next evening, CHRISTeens 2011.

I hadn't been to this event in about 4 years, and I was rather excited for it.

Though it was certainly different from the time I went where I gave my life to God, it was definitely wonderful, and God showed up in some pretty amazing ways.

Like Thursday, the whole worship aspect is something I always love, and I was not disappointed there.

I just love that feeling of being around people, no matter how many, who are there to experience God in a real and honest way.

I felt like I was able to just let go and not be afraid to show my love for God.

And the theme for the weekend was something that really related to what had been going on my life.

Stick with it.

That's something I seriously suck at (forgive my bluntness).

When things get hard, I'm the first person to give up and not try anymore.

I've done that in so many aspects of my life, and it's something that's become somewhat of a habit to me.

The theme verse was Lamentations 3:35-27:

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

That was something I really needed to hear, and a lot of the things that were said were things I'd heard countless times before.

One moment that popped into my head was Alyssa Barlow's talk before Stay With Me at their concert that I went to about a year and a half ago.

She said that God won't take us out of hard times, but He'll help us through them.

One statistic that they kept telling us was that 70% of teens who have a relationship with God won't have one by the time they graduate high school.

By the way I felt like I'd been living my life, I was on the road to being part of that 70%.

I refuse to surrender completely to God's PERFECT will, and I can't forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made.

Until I do that, I don't think my faith will be able to stick it out through hard times.

I'll let the stubborn, impatient Kati come through and tell me that God won't be there when I mess up or that He won't forgive me for what I've done.
But, GOD DOES NOT CONDEMN ME!!!!

I mean, sure, He's disappointed to see me mess up, and I'm not suggesting constantly sinning just to feel the abundance of God's grace.

I'm saying that He forgets my past.

As far as the east is from the west, which is really really far, that's how far He's carried my sins from me.

I don't have to live bound by the chains of this world.

He's already SET ME FREE!!!!!

I have to accept that freedom and live the life He's set out for me.

I'm starting to learn how to forgive myself, which is something I never though I could do.

I mean, I know I'm not always gonna accept myself, and there will be times where I feel like giving up because it's easy.

But, through sticking it out, I know my faith will grow substantially.

And, the best part is, that's not even half of what He did in me.

If I tried to write all of that, my fingers would probably fall off, and this blog entry would be way too long even for me.

For those of you who are curious and/or confused about title, I'll give a brief explanation.

The cereal boxes and Justin Bieber kinda go together, because they both had to do with stuff the girls in my group drew in my journal Friday night.

On youth trips, I have this little quirk that I have to have the people in my group sign a notebook.

Terra drew a cereal box, named Katio's.

In her attendance list for youth, she has me listed as Kati-o because she had originally put Katie, which is one of my biggest pet peeves.

So, in fixing it, she put Kati-o.

And Abby wrote that I love J.B., wrote some of the lyrics to Never Say Never, and drew his silhouette.

So, there is a page in my journal dedicated soley to Justin Bieber, who I can now somewhat tolerate...

And mascara mustaches...I don't think I can explain that well.

So...this insanely long blog entry is now over.

-Kati

*These girls are wonderful!!!! I love them (and Terra, who missed out on this shot) dearly!!!

A Little Reprieve from Life

So...like the last month of my life has been INSANELY chaotic.

3 rescheduled all-state auditions, district swim meet, all-state clinic, and the typical craziness of high school is more than enough to drive a girl MAD!!!

But, I learned a lot through all of that.

First, God works in some pretty crazy yet amazing ways.

He's used the weirdest scenarios to teach me some pretty huge lessons.

I've also been able to witness a lot of changes within myself.

I mean, looking back on the last year, I used to be the most negative person I knew.

I've had a lot of people tell me the same thing.

It's true, so it doesn't bother me that others have seen that.

But, I've seen my outlook on life and my future change dramatically.

I think that's what's been driving a lot of my passion for life and the things I love about it.

That passion has increased exponentially, and I'm getting more excited about the things God has in store for me.

At the same time, my future scares me more than anything.

I'm nearing the end of my junior year, and I haven't even begun to make my top choices for college (except I have one top choice) or narrow them down.

I know I have another year to decide, but it's still an intimidating thought.

But, I know God will guide me through it all, and He knows so much more than I do.

I've also seen how much helping other people has changed how I look at my faith and relationship with God.

I've started to reach out more to those who I know are hurting.

That's something I never thought I could do.

I never thought God could use my brokenness to reach others and show them His love.

That's just what He does.

He uses me reaching out to others through my brokenness to not only help them, but it also helps me learn more about myself, my struggles, and how God works.

Wow, my grammar is atrocious in these blogs...(random).

But, I just have to trust that He's given me the relationships I have for a reason, and life is certainly worth the pain.

-Kati

My Story

I don't know what it is about reading/writing/thinking about my story that scares the crap out of me.

It does, though.

And I think I've begun to understand why.

I don't like to think about the person I used to be and all the pain I've dealt with.

It sucks.

But, I've learned something through all of that.

GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!

Through every trial I've been through in my life, He's been the only constant.

I was thinking about that today.

I had a huge chunk of me ripped out recently.

I'm still kinda reeling from that.

I don't really understand what happened or why it happened.

But, I know that God has a plan for this.

It's just really hard for me to see that right now.

I've broken down completely in 2 of the 4 real classes I've had today.

Very rarely do I cry in school.

Kinda funny tangent off of one of those classes, my Contemporary American History teacher offered to let me play Angry Birds on his ipad (I guess in some attempt to make me feel better).

Sadly, I don't know how to play, but I got to listen to my ipod, which sufficed.

But, back on subject.

I know that it's going to be hard to get over it.

But, I know that I'm not alone in this struggle.
I've never completely understood why I have to go through so much crap in life.
The conclusion I've come to is that through our struggles, we're supposed to draw closer to God and go deeper in our faith.
How that works is so far beyond me.
But, He is so much bigger than ANYTHING I could ever face in my life.
I know that He's calling me to do something more than myself.
I just have to trust Him to do help me do that.

-Kati